The "no update" update

Last Tuesday came and went to the rest of the world but not to me. It marked the one year date of sending our request to adopt Tai. It marked 6ish weeks of praying, gathering, praying more, sorting, praying more, submitting (for the third time) and praying even more.

One year. I would love to say "what a difference a year makes" but I cannot. I know we are farther down the road than we were then. We know so much more and so does he. We are past so much paperwork and initial wondering. It's still a hard spot though because we are stuck in the "system". I know every adoptive family goes through this stage. I've watched countless friends go through this and wait in frustration at the lack of efficiency in another government. (Not that ours is...) It's not easy for any of them and it isn't any easier for us.

Everyone keeps asking me where we are in the process. We are still waiting. We submitted our dossier to Taiwan June 20. We were told that "usually" the process for a court date is usually a couple of months after that. We are creeping up on month #4 and still no word on when our first (of three) dates will be.

(And a little side note on court: We don't have to be there for any of them. We've been told that there are three. #1) Puts our file in the hands of a judge and he deems whether we are worthy enough to adopt. This date also establishes Tai as an official orphan.  #2) This date usually comes 2-3 months after the first court and puts us together. "This couple wants to adopt this little boy. Anyone that objects has 10 days to do so." Also, we supposedly find out when we travel at this point.  #3) After the waiting period is over they schedule the third - and final - hearing and this gives us the final decree that he is ours. We will potentially be in-country for this but do not have to be present. This is when we are allowed to take custody of him.)

I felt like our process was going a bit long and made the mistake of asking within some Facebook groups that I'm a part of. I've pretty much learned that there is no rhyme or reason to Taiwan's process. (Not really. But that's how it came across.) It depends on the county/district that you're in. Then it depends on the judge that you're assigned to. So basically the timeline possibilities are endless!

I started to get discouraged this morning. Another family got their court date information today. ::sigh:: While I truly am so excited for them, I quickly turned inward. Bad move. The Lord and I had a long talk my morning drive.

"I do not understand this, Lord."

(Silence)

"This whole process doesn't even seem remotely logical."

(Silence)

"You know what he needs and you know how long we have fought to get him home! Why won't you let him just come be with us?"

Yes, so if I really know what he needs, don't you think I know what I'm doing?

"Well...yes....but I still don't understand."

What is for you to understand but that I know what I'm doing?

(Silence.)

It's your choice. Choose to SEE. (*He was talking about a book I read a few years ago.)

(More Silence and in a general tantrum kind of way.) Then...

"You're right. I'm going to choose to trust you. I'm going to choose to let go. I'm going to choose to believe that you are working in ways that I cannot see. I'm going to choose to see You in the timing of this." (Insert sigh of surrender)

SO HARD.

So that's where I'm at. We are waiting for a court date. I am choosing to not allow the failure of my own timeline discourage me. God has this how it needs to be and I don't understand and I don't always agree but it's not for me to decide. There is someone that I want to call mine on the other side of the pond but right now he belongs to the One that knows him best and He is the only parent that can make the right decision for Tai right now.

A man's/father's perspective

A man's/father's perspective     

     There are a lot of things about adoption that are rather enigmatic to me. Over and over, when I tell other men that we are adopting, the look on their face is similar to what I'd get if I'd have asked them to smell my shoes. Sort of a slanted head, "Did you really just say that?" kind of look. Most men then proceed to enlighten me as to what I'm getting myself in to through a series of (I suppose) well intended questions aimed at drawing me to their conclusion.

      The first and foremost questions is, "How are you going to pay for this?" It's the God-given role of a man to provide for his family. It's in his genetic make-up (at least for decent men and those who didn't marry a sugar momma) to be in control and see his family prosper.

     Adoption is super expensive. WAY too expensive to be "about the children" like everyone claims. I can either get that new 4-door F150 I want or Tanya can get her new Odyssey or we can get that boy from Taiwan. To adopt most likely means putting some material dream on hold, perhaps indefinitely. We can hang up the house with acreage for a while.

      But then God steps in. Every time a payment is due, something unseen and incredible happens. A tax refund we didn't file for, a donation, someone takes up our cause and fund raises, a yard sale that clears a grand and a half... we've yet to truly sacrifice.

     Anything.

     At all. 

     It's HARD for a man to let go of control and trust an unseen force. But I tell you, I haven't been disappointed yet. And trust like this is foolishness to those who've never experienced it. And to me, after what I've seen, to question the provisions of God is foolishness too. So I don't let their question bother me. They don't get my perspective and I don't get theirs.They think, "Poor guy doesn't know what he's in for," and I think, "Poor guy doesn't know what he's missing."

     Men often ask why I want another child. My responses range from "What's not to love about children?" to "Because I saw his face and all I could think of was my son Jack, same age, same hair cut, same smile that's too big for his face, and what it must be like to be fatherless."

     What many men are REALLY asking is, "Why would you want to raise someone else's child?" As in, "You know where that came from, don't you?" The tone of the question usually resembles a mom warning you not to eat gum found on the floor at Walmart or a wife watching you open a Tupperware bowl of mystery food from the back of the fridge.

     Yes, I realize that some other man created this child in an act of passion or intoxication or whatever. And I don't care. That boy is not at fault. That boy is fearfully and wonderfully made and was ordained from conception to be a part of the Ryan Smith family (see above on how God makes things happen).

     I'm good with that.

     In fact, I'm more than good with that. I'm actually pursuing that!

     2 men came right out and worded it as, "Why would you want to risk your resources for your family on someone else's child?" Because knowing what I know and seeing what I've seen and knowing my children as I do, there is no risk. This question to me is like asking Nick Saban, "Why would you risk your win record and championship title hopes to play Georgia State?" See? That's what I said.

     Question 3: How are you going to find time to care for ANOTHER child? At this, I just stare at them. Dude, I teach 176 kids a day. I'm a professional. Finding time for needs is what I do.

     I'll take him (and the other 3) with me when I go somewhere. 

     I'll sit by him (and the other 3) when I watch tv or eat, all 4 kids will play in the den or the yard and I'll be there. 

     What's one more child on my back when I try to lay on the floor? What's one more child in a booth that seats 6 or a van that seats 8 or a church that seats 350 or a stadium that seats 50,000?

     How will I find time? I'll be a dad. That's how I'll find time. I'll be the best freaking dad this kid ever imagined. I'll put the needs of my family first and I'll be available. If need be, I'll even get back on caffiene (I gave that up last summer. Had to do a shameless plug here...)

     Every now and then, and usually from my truest friends, someone will just come out and flat out challenge the whole shebang with a simple, "Why?" Because I'm called to. I can't explain it if you've never experience a true, God-given call yourself.

First, I want to. Just like I want to learn to captain a boat. So I bought a boat. An old dilapidated boat. And rebuilt it from the bottom up. I baked my neck in the sun, scratched fiberglass in my skin for weeks, and lost probably a quart of blood. But I earned my license and drove that boat. I just want to. And so I will not be happy until I do.

2: I think it's awesome. Some people collect tattoos to remind them of the good times, I want a house full of tricycle motors around me when I'm old to say that I truly lived.

3: Life experiences lead me to this. This is where the paths of all the stuff I've experienced leads. It's just a natural progression for me.

4. It's my scriptural duty. It's in my manly nature. Men provide. Men protect. Men stand up for the weak, the helpless, the homeless. Men shelter. Men don't pity people, we intervene. Real men don't just say, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but we act and act in a strong unmistakeable problem solving way. Everything in my fatherly nature says to bring this young boy into my house and raise him as my own. Everything in my manly nature says to protect this child at all costs.

     I get it that a lot of men don't feel called (or maybe truly aren't) to follow this same path. I'm not called to missions in Africa (against my own protestations. I'd go in a heart beat.) I get it that this seems so unnatural to many men. My hopes for other men is that when their call arrives, that they're listening and don't run like a scared little boy. That men embrace their calling full force and whole heartedly. That they trust the God who called them to carry that good work through to completion, just like He said He would do. 

     Embrace your calling. In my case, my calling will embrace me back every day and will call me daddy. And he will make me proud.